I am almost reaching the point of saturation. Agyness on prime time TV talk shows, Agyness in fash magazines' best-dressed sections, Agyness in every single copy of London Tube daily papers.
A couple of months ago, i-D magazine filled an ENTIRE issue with Agyness. Agyness's friends, Agyness's mother, Agyness's letter to the Queen asking for an interview (politely declined), Agyness's fave shops, Agyness's boyfriend, Agyness's best friend Henry Holland, with that trademark smug smirk on his face, Agyness... with multiple cover versions of the girl herself by top photographers, including Nick Knight and Terry 'Mr Smut' Richardson. There was almost nothing else in the magazine. Just Agyness, page after page.
All of the articles accompanying the pictures, written in a verbal deluge of screaming adjectives, disturbingly had that same fawning sycophancy you would see in a feature in Hello on one of the minor royals hugging their horses or someone insignificant from Dancing on (sodding) Ice. Hardly the edgy stuff that i-D's known for over the last 20 odd years.
After the 15th page of Agyness doing her trademark shouty and quirky but 'doe startled in the woods' sort of thing, I started feeling a little faint.
I had only just got over being Agynessed into oblivion, when June's Vogue arrived with, guess who, on the cover. No pictures inside, just her on the cover. Just a 'look, we have the hottest model' sort of cover.
You know when something new appears on the horizon? It's cool, it's quirky, it's oh-so hot hot hot. You are searching for it, want it badly, get it in three different variations and all of a sudden you notice that the world and his mother (and their dog) are wearing it. Take the skinny grey jeans, the heaps of ballerina pumps in zebra and panther print and, more recently, RayBan Wayfarers, to name a few. Suddenly they are overcooked, done to death, 'can't be seen in anymore' trends. You ditch it and move on to the next great thing.
Do you see where I am going with this? Well, she is beautiful, unique and model of the moment. Yes, that's all true but, honestly, the fashion world is exploiting her faster than Primark chucks out their multicoloured, slightly wonky versions of Wayfarers. Like the Primark Wayfarers, she will be out of fashion by mid-August with a starting bid of £0.01 on eBay. And, with someone who is quite a breath of fresh air, the best androgynous boy-girl beauty since Linda Evangelista, why would you want that? A quote from The Age of Innocence came into my head…
"[The reason], for their great influence; that they make themselves so rare"
Take note.
P.S. On a another subject… Word spell-check suggests Gayness for Agyness - conspiracy theorists, start working now.
